At a friend’s request, I watched the video on Ted Talk Hour (National Public Radio) which can be found here entitled, “Can your child’s Identity Shape Yours?” The story is based on his latest book, Far from the Tree. The author, Andrew Solomon is a public speaker, lectures in Psychology at Cornell University, is a writer for the New York times and has also written several books.
Solomon has interviewed dozens of families and researched extraordinary experiences from parents and children. His own family story is fascinating. The subject matter touches on somewhat controversial topics, but is endearing as a whole, based on his own heartfelt opinions.
Many families have experienced different degrees of emotional grief due to the identity of a child, in many ways that are unthinkable judging by our own standards. Solomon gives examples of parent’s incomprehensible love of a child, even after the child commits a heinous crime, a child with a terminal illness, or a child with a severe disability. The parent’s world changes, and as a result, the parent changes.
Solomon gives other examples of exceptional identity, one of which is a deaf child born to hearing parents. The culture decisions, the education efforts and advocacy that parents fulfill is key for raising an extraordinary child. The incredible impact of those decisions from many different types of families years later in life is monumental. Reflection of those impacts is valuable for continued growth and acceptance. Solomon discusses the difference between love and acceptance.
It is incredibly moving to hear the thoughts of the parent after many years later with the perspective of acceptance. What is most remarkable, is how the parent answers the question, “How would you change things if you could?” “Would you want your child to be born differently?”
Solomon states that so many exceptional identities are judged as an illness, and therefore are attempted to be cured. The message is clear that the “cure” is rooted in trying to satisfy the desire to fit into a mold in order to meet standards of the family or society. This idea seems to be at the true heart of Solomon’s purpose which sheds light onto this idea. Accepting the identity of the child is the goal, and not to view it as an illness. According to Solomon, acceptance takes time and can be difficult but freeing.
This story provides many thought provoking avenues to wander down, and yet all seem to arrive at the same destination. Love covers all. The love between parent child is so powerful that it cannot be overcome, no matter what circumstances. The profound conclusion is that our human diversity is what ultimately unites us.
